Monday, July 30, 2012

Composing

"What is simple by moonlight in the morning never is ~unknown. I think I could fall in love with whoever thought of that.

Fate is tricky. I wonder why things happen now when one isn't expecting them. It makes planning that much harder and perhaps ruins something in the long run.

He asked me if the songs I sing have anything to do with what's going on inside of me. I lied and told him no, it's just the beat or the rhythm. In reality it's the words aligning with exactly what my heart is throwing out. Is it possible to say that music is a kindred spirit...or maybe just the artist who sings the choice song.

My nights have been longer then normal. Sleep resists me like a wounded lover. I would have put "eludes" but that is more like an over confident lover.  I of course turn to the Ocean. There is something so comforting about sitting with my arms wrapped around my knees while my feet play recklessly in the sand. I let the waves lick at them until they're almost immaculate only to submerge them back under the grains of broken shells and glass that the water has made smooth.

Bravery. Something I need. What would I do if I had a whole day where I lived without fear? What would I say, would I make it my intention to go see certain people and do certain things? I would trust myself for once.

What is it about holding back? How is that attractive? I want to move forward but if I can't get this off my chest that will never happen.

I don't know what I want. Is it the challenge? Or is it because I wouldn't like not having it? Why do I even care to the extent that I'm asking that question?

1 comment:

  1. Is all of this rhetorical? Or do you want an answer? Because I think you already know the answer. I think you have it within you. I believe that you DO know what you want. Of everyone I know, you have always been the most sure of yourself. EVEN when you weren't so sure of yourself, you seemed sure. Perhaps that is a positive thing, perhaps not. You "elude" me. One moment you are so sure of yourself and the next you are completely lost. I think you are afraid to go after that which you truly want. Because what if once you get it, you discover you never really wanted it to begin with? What if you want things simply because they are nearly unattainable? You are good at sabotaging yourself, Laure. And I think that is because what you want in your spirit is different than what YOU want. You can only live for flesh for so long. At some point spirit will take over again. You were happiest then. You DID know what you wanted then. You knew who you were, and where you were going, and how you were going to get there. Somewhere along the road it became about YOU rather than about HIM. At some point, you wont be able to stuff HIM down any longer. At some point HE will burst forth. Will you be prepared for when that happens? Will you be willing to allow that to happen? OR will you resist it and let the flesh win out? I read or heard something recently about when you give someone advice, you tend to be projecting for yourself. Maybe none of this applies to you, but only to me. But I do think it applies. I know it applies to me, but I think it applies to you as well. <3

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