Composing

"What is simple by moonlight in the morning never is ~unknown. I think I could fall in love with whoever thought of that.

Fate is tricky. I wonder why things happen now when one isn't expecting them. It makes planning that much harder and perhaps ruins something in the long run.

He asked me if the songs I sing have anything to do with what's going on inside of me. I lied and told him no, it's just the beat or the rhythm. In reality it's the words aligning with exactly what my heart is throwing out. Is it possible to say that music is a kindred spirit...or maybe just the artist who sings the choice song.

My nights have been longer then normal. Sleep resists me like a wounded lover. I would have put "eludes" but that is more like an over confident lover.  I of course turn to the Ocean. There is something so comforting about sitting with my arms wrapped around my knees while my feet play recklessly in the sand. I let the waves lick at them until they're almost immaculate only to submerge them back under the grains of broken shells and glass that the water has made smooth.

Bravery. Something I need. What would I do if I had a whole day where I lived without fear? What would I say, would I make it my intention to go see certain people and do certain things? I would trust myself for once.

What is it about holding back? How is that attractive? I want to move forward but if I can't get this off my chest that will never happen.

I don't know what I want. Is it the challenge? Or is it because I wouldn't like not having it? Why do I even care to the extent that I'm asking that question?

Put your ear next to your soul and listen hard.

Something that inspires you is always worth some thing, right?*********

I keep justifying you.... why? *****

Nostalgia keeps bringing you back to me. From the first few laughs to the numbness that replaced them.***

   I wonder how many people do this...just write whatever comes to mind without editing. Takes some guts. Hell I can't even put every thought down...too intimate...detailed and my secrets would be dripping from the tongue of everyone able to speak. Ugh human nature can be odious. 

Lost in translation

I find that I hesitate to throw words out... maybe because there are those who will look only through the eyes of a critic or maybe because being vulnerable is not something that is apart of my nature. Ambiguity. Confidence. Uncertainty. Deprecation. Fury. An ache in my soul. Experiences. Liars. Loves empty hope. Words that are nothing more then words because who ever spoke them left out all emotion, left out all the ties to their heart. The world has a way of bringing things together and we have a way of tearing them apart. I swear I'm more optimistic then this. Human kind seeks out emotions that they are ignorant of. Selfishly curious but never intentional, sarcastic? Never.Thin and crisp...white...letters ceased to fall awhile ago. The pen was set aside until the heart could recover. Maybe that's why people don't write. They don't want to see where there thoughts lead them. What's really weighing them down or passionately sweeping them forward. They would rather walk around numb, pretending pieces of their pasts never existed... speculating that it's better to live like that. Instead of embracing and moving on. Even better are those that pretend that they did let it go, and of course they did...or do every time that bottle of Jack hits their lips. For the passionate...fear caresses them. Insisting a good thing is never what it seems.


"Sometimes there is no next time, no time outs, no second chances, sometimes its NOW or NEVER." ~unknown.

From the head to the page

They say to be an extraordinary writer one must write every day. It doesn't matter what words drop from your pen when it hits the paper... just as long as they're dropping. My Professor challenged me to do just that. So here it is. Perhaps between this and a notebook my writing will progress. I'm not sure that writing is ever really about money as much as it is about bringing something to life, and even better... having that story bring life to someone. To maybe put a passion back into someone, inspire or give hope. Sometimes a reality check. I've heard it said that you discover a lot about yourself with the things you write, if you free your mind enough and let all boundaries fade. I'm interested to see exactly who I am. Writing turns into reading, which causes one to think...to follow something and if it's good enough they'll fully commit to finishing what they've started. ******************************************************** Write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable. ~Francis Bacon Storytelling reveals meaning without committing the error of defining it. ~Hannah Arendt A writer and nothing else: a man alone in a room with the English language, trying to get human feelings right. ~John K. Hutchens, New York Herald Tribune, 10 September 1961